Stop all the clocks... I have joked about my ability to not smoke in US vs smoking like a chimney in UK. I have tried Nicorette, ciggy stinking water, acupucture and hypnosis.. there is nothing that works as well as having your wife diagnosed with Lung Cancer (probably).

It kind of hits you like a funeral invite - better get your papers in order, better get ready to say goodbye, better get a grip on life so you can help them and not wallow in the madness of pity and uncertainty.

Her preference is to tell no one but it has leaked out (the hole in her trachea was a bit of a give away). It all seems a bit melodramatic when there is still a chance that it is nothing and it may be just the vestiges of some bout of bronchitis or some lost car keys. The more the info leaks out the more we have to manage the well-meaning advice and guidance that just seems to undermine our confidence and cast doubt on the situation (you really should get a eighth opinion you know… won’t it leave a scar… can they save some of her lung… what about a needle biopsy – my cousin's friend had one of those… ??? ). She wants to be decisive and I am doing everything in my power to help her stick to her chosen course – she can not handle any more uncertainly now. She has even told me her mahogany or pine decision… you have got to laugh!

I think I am writing this for myself, therapy and sanity. I don't mean to tell you like this - doing it via a blog is a is a little cowardly (but we want to preserve our courage for later).