And now the Living Forcast, issued by the Met Office at 2300 GMT today.

General synopsys for the patient is fair, 1005, rising steadily, expected moderate or good later tonight:

Lungy: cancer, storm 10, removed more quickly, poor.
Mind, Soul: SW, 5, clear, 40 years left, moderate or fair.
Body: MWF, almost 50, mostly clear, lost weight, good.
Doctor: SWM, fair, rich, unmarried, working rapidly, good.
Fair Isle Family: 3, visit imminent, bearing gifts, moderate or good.
Malin Head: good, woosy, rising slowly, needs glasses.
Southeast Eyesland: occaisional heavy rain, poor, mumbling.
Forties: and still alive and kicking, good.
Bailey's: please, moderate icing, good.

God help the shipping forecast.
www.bbc.co.uk/weather/coast/shipping/