Mortality Rate, Confidence Interval, Control Groups... it is more like a statistics course than a visit to the doctors. I guess that is why the walls of the North Shore Cancer Center are painted with "hope, compassion, love, spirit...".
So, we are agonizing over the chemo decision – the stats say no, the friends say yes and the docs say don’t know. The biggest issue seems to be the natural reaction of people that you must do chemo "how can you be so selfish... think of the children... you have to fight this thing..." maybe it is the American way and that you must always fight, even if the risks outweigh the benefits. 'Tis better to have tried and died, rather than never to have tried at all (apols to Alfred).
I have said that there are better ways to reduce the mortality rate: snow tires, more sushi, get a dog! Hey – I am a pragmatist at heart (at least I am now). Maybe it is that this cancer is staged as a 'borderline' that amplifies the quandry, or maybe cancer does that to you, makes you question your decisions, undermines your confidence. So when all said and done, I am starting to feel that these decisions are not as much 'medical' as 'emotional'... more about making the decision right rather than making the right descision.
It also seems that I may be just coursing my way thru the stages of grief... or at least that is the traditional view - grieving for the death of the still living. I know I am overreacting but my math says 76% mortality at 5 years - that puts D-day as 8th Sept 2010... tick tock. Maybe if I use more significant digits we can wring an extra day or two. I know I am overreacting. Maybe some blind faith is what I need, a trip to the church, put my head in the religious sand, share some hollow trite happy statements. Looks like I am thru the stages in just one posting!
And in an attempt to drag this entry back from the brink of morbidity - here are the stages:
- the old tires will be fine. (denial)
- why are they so bloody expensive ? (anger)
- I promise to drive slower! (bargaining)
- we can't afford snow tires. (depression)
- we need snow tires. (acceptance)
God save 245 65 R 17 Pirelli Scopions
2 comments:
I take a very different view from your friends, David. I am genuinely amazed at the extreme effort and cost people will expend in the last 18 months of their lives. 2/3 of medicare expense goes to such efforts. In general, it is a very poor quality of life, thus, who needs it.
As we all know, chemo is an attempt to kill cancer by poisoning, hoping the patient survives the treatment. It is debilitating and miserable. I know that if I believed I had a 75% chance of not being here in 5 years, I would not spend any of that time purposefully making myself ill.
Each of us may have to make these kinds of decisions. I have made mine.
Keep up the good work.
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