Here are some of my better one-liners, preserved for future eulogies:

"You don't speak very good england."
"There is only one problem living with Americans."
"Sadly America's command of english is limited to the pool halls."
"Bath, ME - the last remnants of the nation's inclined ways."
"The Heimlich Remover."

God saves quotes

Bad day... My Mr Rearden has just started behaving like Mr Boyle (Holmes and Moriarty respectively for you British out there).

So it falls to me to research the word 'english' (with a small e) : an American noun to describe spin on a ball particularly in pool. In Britain, the noun used is side, top or bottom depending on where the cue strikes the ball. and the verb: to screw (as the ball wriggles and writhes after impact as it starts to get a grip on the felt). I can hear you philistines giggling already - be quiet!

So, why the use of the word? It all dates back to Englishman Jack Carr - of Mr Bartley's Billiard Rooms at Bath. Carr discovered that chalk, added to the leather tips that were used by Frenchman Mingaud, allowed improved control of the ball. He was quite a showman and traveled around Europe during the 1820s, giving demos and selling his "twisting chalk" for half a crown a box (approx 12.5p or 7c). Others who have helped cement the use of the word:
- Phelan in 1850 "we can out english the English".
- Slosson on Schaefer in 1879 - "he has english like the English".
- Twain of Hoppe's win in 1906 "if only his english were spoken".
- Bush on Churchill "he was english".

God save spin.

large flat paddle... leisurely thrown ball... hold on there!

Obviously few Americans have stood in the way of one of those deliveries or perhaps slow-motion action replays are to blame for the misconception. The balls travel at well over100mph and while the total surface area of the 'paddle' must be a couple of times that of baseball, the fact that the ball hits the ground before getting to the player introduces a huge amount of variability. It has been said that the difference is between 'difficult to hit' and 'difficult to hit well'. I am not going to mention that the players do not wear gloves or have to stand on mounds or resort to fighting. Nor remind our readers that the players do not get the opportunity to practice in the bullpen nor are they allowed to miss the ball a couple of times before it counts. And, our women play the same game as our men - no 'soft' ball for them!

Perhaps the concern is that the game is a gentlemanly sport, an olympic event, played by royalty, or that it is popular as an international sport (Not Red Sox Nation vs Yankee Nation). Perhaps the American people to not realise that many Americans travel to watch overseas games and indeed, the US has recently produced (or imported) some very good players.

God Save Tennis